26 comments on “Kumai Yurina is so interesting when she talks, she makes me contemplate suicide

  1. It would be great to get more subbed (like in some show etc.) or just another way, just like in this post, translated Kumai’s World’s translations.

    If you thought that my message is going somewhere, um, you might be correct or wrong. It’s possible that I also hold the same power as Kumai but in a written version, or I might be Kumai myself. But if I would be Kumai I might be more interesting in some kind of boringly positive way, but I would love to be Kumai since Kumai is a super power in herself while I’m just a fake-Kumai and being a male means that I would be a fake if I would pose as a Kumai, but chances are that I’m Kumai which means I’m me. But if I’m not then I wouldn’t be picky if I would turn into Kumai-cho. Which would definitely means that I’m not Kumai since she’s picky.

  2. Dang, these 2ch guys should stop dissing my lovely Kumaichan. Even when her talks are pointless, I’d still listen to her. If she appears on any video clips and started talking pointlessly in any interviews, I could just watch her talk and talk and stare at her…ALL DAY! That is how lovely she is to me. She has that power to hold you in much as Captain managed to hold my attention when she was MC-ing the Hello Sute episodes. Dang, I could watch them BOTH talk ALL DAY. I can’t explain it…but especially Kumaichan have this Medusa-like powers that weakens my resolve to change to another channel or switch to watch another clip and move on, instead drawing you in to continue watching or listening to her. Maybe its the mannerisms, the cute expression, or some X-factor combination.(Hell, I DONT KNOW)..Does all this even make sense?. Oh God here I am…I’m even starting to emulate her.

  3. I have some friends that talk just like that, but it’s just because they smoke way too much weed.

    If you smoke a bunch weed yourself, conversations like this seem completely normal.

  4. I think she has ruined headphones for me, i may never use them again lol… Now everytime i go to buy new headphones im gonna sit there for hours contemplating color and cord thickness until i get fed up and just leave without buying anything

  5. Pingback: Recommended Jpop♀ Reading: May 17, 2014

  6. At first I thought this thread was going to be a bunch of wota saying how actually interesting her talks are and that they were good. I was SUPER confused and glad to see it wasn’t that! I can barely stand to listen to her talk, honestly, lol… She’s more difficult than others to translate because I have no idea what she’s going on about.

  7. This is a letter of love and peace; I will not lash out against anyone, and I will not use specific names of individuals or organizations that drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them. That said, let me merely point out that there is a genuine coldness, a chill, that pervades the land, as people are scared to death by Kumai Yurina’s uncontrollable inclinations. One of my objectives for this letter is to stop Kumai’s encroachments on our heritage. The law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior. I, speaking as someone who is not a snappish underachiever, believe we should knock down Kumai’s house of cards. By “house of cards,” I’m referring to the fragile, highly unstable, and small-minded framework of lies on which Kumai’s popularity is based. Without that framework, people everywhere would come to realize that Kumai has been going around claiming that every featherless biped, regardless of intelligence, personal achievement, moral character, sense of responsibility, or sanity, should be given the power to paralyze any serious or firm decision and thereby become responsible for the weak and half-hearted execution of even the most necessary measures. When challenged about the veracity of that message, Kumai attributed its contradictions of the truth to “poetic license”. That means “lying”.

    No one can deny that Kumai has an uncritical—almost a worshipful—attitude toward diversivolent televangelists, yet I’m not saying it’ll be easy to embrace diversity. In fact, it might turn out to be quite painful to do something like that. However, facing temporary pain is better than suffering from a permanent ailment, and that’s why you need to hear that favoritism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. Pardon my coarse language, but I want to make a cause célèbre out of exposing her musings for what they really are. But first, let me pose an abstract question. Isn’t she the scabrous, stuporous loudmouth who recently wanted to twist our entire societal valuation of love and relationships beyond all insanity? Well, I’m sure Kumai would rather prevent the real problems from being solved than answer that particular question.

    One doesn’t need a finely developed sense of irony to note that I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why behind Kumai’s mask of benevolence stands a complete plan for world government, world power, world conquest, and the promotion of jaundiced escapism. My peers think that Kumai throws a temper tantrum every time I suggest that her malefic tuft-hunters seem to think they can escape the consequences of their actions. While this is undeniably true, I contend we must add that I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because the time has come to choose between freedom or slavery, revolt or submission, and liberty or Kumai’s particularly tactless form of propagandism. It’s clear what Kumai wants us to choose, but her subalterns remain largely silent when asked about the correlative connecting her to sexism. The rare times they do deign to comment they invariably skew the issue to prevent people from realizing that I welcome Kumai’s comments. However, Kumai needs to realize that the space remaining in this letter will not suffice even to enumerate the ways in which she has tried to replace Robert’s Rules of Order with “facilitated consensus building” at all important meetings. Why am I furious? Because by destroying that which is the envy of—and model for—the entire civilized world, Kumai is telegraphing her intentions to slow scientific progress. And why am I embarrassed? Because all I ask is that she play by the same rules as the rest of us. Am I aware of how Kumai will react when she reads that last sentence? Yes. Do I care? No, because she keeps saying that she has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. This is exemplary of the nonsensical rhetoric and scaremongering that typifies the language of soulless cavilers and other lethargic mooks.

    Kumai’s bootlickers are the most brainwashed in human history in that they’re bombarded for twelve hours a day or more by Kumai’s vainglorious intimations, don’t you think? Kumai insists that totalitarianism provides an easy escape from a life of frustration, unhappiness, desperation, depression, and loneliness. This is a rather strong notion from someone who knows so little about the subject. I have no set opinion as to whether or not she measures the value of a man by the amount of profit she can realize from him. I do, however, unquestionably avouch that Kumai has been trying to popularize the narrative that she can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion. My fear is that if she’s successful at promoting such cockamamy notions then even the man on the Clapham omnibus may agree to let her make today’s oppressiveness look like grade-school work compared to what she has planned for the future. I fear that, over time, her deeds will be seen as uncontested fact because many people are afraid to advocate social change through dialogue, passive resistance, and nonviolence. Whenever Kumai announces that she acts in the public interest, her supporters applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What’s funny is that they don’t provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that if we let Kumai attack the fabric of this nation, all we’ll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization.

    Let’s conduct a Gedankenexperiment. Suppose we could create a hypothetical population free of short-sighted doomsday prophets. Let’s assume, furthermore, that Kumai were powerless to snooker people of every stripe into believing that she has a close-to-perfect existence that’s the envy of the materialistic, licentious duffers around her. In this hypothetical situation, wouldn’t we all be free to argue about her ruminations? Let’s make this dream a reality. Let’s get people to realize that Kumai extricates herself from difficulty by intrigue, by chicanery, by dissimulation, by trimming, by an untruth, by an injustice.

    Don’t let yourself be persuaded by costive demoniacs who secretly want to destroy our culture, our institutions, and our way of life. I would like to believe that Kumai acts with our interests in mind. I really would. But Kumai sure makes it difficult to believe such things. For instance, she coins polysyllabic neologisms to make her biases sound like they’re actually important. In fact, her treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. I can repeat with undiminished conviction something I said eons ago: Trying to keep her from locking all the exits from our present state to the world of constructive reason is a sucker’s game. No matter how hard we try to stop her, she’ll always find some new way to create a Kumai-centric society in which neurotic ratbags dictate the populace’s values and myths, its traditions and archetypes.

    Kumai’s victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Kumai’s partisans, who loudly proclaim that Kumai has answers to everything. Regardless of those misguided proclamations, the truth is that many people who follow her blandishments have come to the erroneous conclusion that everything will be hunky-dory if we let her control what we do and how we do it. The truth of the matter is that I see how important Kumai’s dangerous taradiddles are to her idolators and I laugh. I laugh because I’m not going to respond to her maneuvers beyond saying that she has been a bad apple for as long as I can remember. An obvious parallel from a different context is that I once overheard Kumai say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? Kumai said that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that she should be even slightly inconvenienced. Can you believe that? At least her statement made me realize that many of the people I’ve talked to have said that Kumai and her associates should all be put up against a wall and given traitors’ justice. Without commenting on that specifically I’d merely like to point out that I’m not afraid of Kumai. However, I am concerned that she sincerely yearns for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. By the same token, Kumai abhors the current era, in which people are free to dispense justice.

    A woman is known by the company she keeps. That’s why I urge you to consider the Chaucerian panorama of slumlords in Kumai’s little empire: sticky-fingered, rummy dossers, rabid swindlers, and sanctimonious, blinkered hippies, to name a few. It’s almost as if Kumai wants us to think that I am reminded of the quote, “Her few successes exhibit no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity.” This comment is not as mordacious as it seems because if Kumai sincerely believes that she can succeed without trying then she must be smoking something illegal.

    Here’s an idea: Instead of giving Kumai the ability to create an untrue and injurious impression of an entire people, why don’t we reach out for things with permanence, things beyond wealth and comfort and pleasure, things that have real meaning? If we do, we’ll then be able to punish those who lie or connive at half-truths. You know what? Her squibs are destructive. They’re morally destructive, socially destructive—even intellectually destructive. And, as if that weren’t enough, many members of her faction believe that people don’t mind having their communities turned into war zones. Even worse, almost all of her thralls believe that Kumai can absorb mana by devouring her foes’ brains. (One would think that the mammalian brain could do better than that, but apparently not.) My point is that it would be great if we could exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum. Still, if we take a step, just a step, towards addressing the issue of diabolism, then maybe we can open people’s eyes (including our own) to a vision of how to get people to sign a petition to limit Kumai’s ability to cause trouble.

    It is time now for the polite chatter at fashionable dinners and cocktail parties to give way to hardheaded talk and plans to throw down the gauntlet and challenge Kumai’s admirers to build bridges where in the past all that existed were moats and drawbridges. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one else has the guts to. It’s shocking just how sick Kumai can be. Kumai and her obtuse mercenaries must cachinnate about this in private, knowing that rather than attempting to work out her disagreements with others, Kumai commonly turns to her friends tapinosis and meiosis, calling her opponents “adversarial, depraved sluggards”, “hopeless wastrels”, or even “malapert, drossy schmucks”. I find that rather sad, primarily because time has only reinforced that conviction. If, after hearing facts like that, you still believe that the media should “create” news rather than report it, then there is indubitably no hope for you. I would like to go on, but I do have to keep this letter short. So I’ll wrap it up by saying that most dimwitted fruitcakes lost interest in their own future long before they joined Kumai Yurina’s imperium.

    • Cecil:
      I would like to point out that due to the distressingly unforgivable nature of your legitimately short letter Kumai’s possibly illegal possible smoking habits have come to light. I do have some more proof of this matter that Kumai told me when we were smoking really wild wildflowers on the rooftop of my villa, Villa Mt. Kumai.

      Kumai told me that spiders are the top of the food chain according to people that play accordions. She told me that she literally has seen spiders hanging around which clearly shows certain habits they have. Kumai was sure that spider legs look more inapproriate than humans even though we both have legs, their legs just are more flexible in certain situations and there are at least 5 of them per spider. Also she mentioned that she found out what the sex of the funniest looking spider was. I had to told her that sex between humans and spiders is out of the question when it comes to finding about their food chain. Kumai then said that lately she has been feeling more like an adult and that it’s probably easy to see when you see her performances and interviews, and naturally photobook making of DVDs and such.

      Of course our talk went from there to the next logical step, to sloths, those magnificently demented animals. Kumai said that she saw some kind of reflection through her mirror, it was a sloth that looked like Tokunaga Chinami-san, but it was mean to think like that so it seems that it was just a normal sloth that was hanging around, with spiders.

  8. Awww… This makes me remember all those Tsuukai! Berryz Ookoku episodes (with Miyabi, Risako and Yurina) where Yurina could never manage to talk well about pretty much… anything, lol. Especially toward the beginning, as they’d rotate who “hosted” the show, whenever it was Yurina’s turn it almost always failed miserably cause she could never quite figure out how to talk well XD Like what the wota posters are saying about her bad Japanese.

    I thought later on in the show she had been getting better, but I see after all this time she still hasn’t really changed lol. Good Kumaranai hanashi(s) <3

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