Searching For The Right Treatment

On the TNM staging system, my laryngeal cancer was diagnosed as being T2, also known as Stage II. Not the initial phase, but early nevertheless. I did learn, though, that the way your stage is diagnosed is actually all up to the doctor’s interpretation.

The name of my illness: “squamous cell carcinoma of the vocal cords.”

“What the heck is that?” Well, it’s more commonly known as just laryngeal cancer.

What I needed to do was start thinking about how I wanted to have it treated, but my brain wasn’t able to process the information at all. “It’s happening to me…? This has got to be a lie…” These were the only thoughts running through my head. “And I took such good care of my health! I quit smoking ages ago! I’m only 45 years old! What did I do wrong?!” I was thinking about my past, trying to find the culprit.

At the same time, I also had to think about the worst case scenario: what could I leave my kids if something was to happen to me? What are the words I should leave my wife with? It didn’t feel right to be imagining such a dreadful future, but I couldn’t stop myself from doing so.

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Note: read the Prologue first!

An Omen

I had an anxious feeling in my chest prior to the start of Sharan Q’s 25th anniversary live tour.

When my throat was in good condition, I could go into the studio and have my demo vocals recorded in no time. But when it’s a tour you’re talking about, you’re expected to maintain your physical condition so that you can sing over 20 songs in succession per concert.

Demo vocals, by the way, are something I did when I was writing a song for an artist I was producing, like Morning Musume. They’re guide vocals meant to help the girls learn how to sing the song. I would always record the whole melody along with the finished lyrics. In the idol scene these days, the norm is having a hired professional vocalist sing the guide vocals, but in my case, I want to have the girls learn proper breath control and sense of rhythm, so I would always record the guide vocals by myself.

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April 4th, 2015.

The weather forecast for Osaka had promised rain, but it was a cloudy day. By the time the ceremony was about to begin, there were even hints of sunlight.

I was in Osaka with my family where I was producing the 2015 entrance ceremony for Kinki University, my alma mater.

I woke up at half past five and had the breakfast I’d prepared for myself earlier. Today would be the first time in a while that I would be getting up on stage. “Huh, it’s been a year and a half since I last had to put on makeup.” That’s what was running through my mind as I started to get ready.

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